Memories of Sand

wow it's been so long since I logged on... the new job has taken a toll on my life, social, gym and sleep... been so stressed but it's slowing down to a more manageable pace.... new responsibilities and projects coming up.... guess I just have to look up.

This year has passed so fast... all my new year resolutions.... gone into the bin... dont even know what i agreed to do.... still remembered running thru the crowd after finding a carpark in some god forsaken place... the jam was bad... every car stopped to watch the fireworks for the year.... when we reached there, though the spot wasnt good... it was the company..... not saying much before some NKC starts speculating.... in the noise and cheer... i knew certain decisions I had to make.... the company I choosed already made me decide.

sigh.. i schemed, i plot... it was not a good feeling... did i cry /.... NO.... was there a stabbing pain in me... yes... i hate myself... but i cant continue this way.... i realised I am a 3 day person.... i allow tears for 3 days in any failed relationship.....this has been the bane... forced training in the first love of my life.... this time round no tears...... but the pain in the heart...... because its tough to let go..... till today when the image comes to my mind... i know i have been loved... very loved...... i let the sand slipped thru my hands.....

different people react differently to breakups.... maybe I am a stronger person... maybe I am always causing the pain..... maybe I am the bastard,.... i take that back.... I know I am not... because I have a heart..... that feels the pain... so I sympathise with people who cant snap out of it..... maybe i cant appreciate.... since I am never someone who share with people around me what's going in.... no point... the situations are changing faster than anything..

People think i am secretive... we all are.... i still believe certain information are not meant for any one's ear except in the confines of your heart... no one should accuse me because info is always privy,,.... all can testify that in some ways some people uses the info against you.... to judge you.... you will be conversational topic in their coffee gatherings, their mahjong session, the nits out drinking.... do u or i deserve it? or rather no one deserves the scrutiny by another self righteous idiot..

what am i writing? i dont know..... my dreams of doing the biathlon, the tri and the marathon... judging by the way i gobble down my food.... goodness.... and the amount of cigarettes i light up... sigh.... bod gets worse... takes more to suck in..... though still do not lack the attention of certain individuals... but how long more.... its a game, its a cycle.....

what i yearn for, frens who I truly call frens..... who accepts me for what i am, to those i thank you. i really need to sit down and think..... last time was too busy gym and dating and blah blah.... but now... no time for gym due to work and yet have not stop to think...

was glad.... that i had an enjoyable morning with my mom.... the seed is sowed.

if you dont understand what you read... dont worry... its straight ramblings from my heart.... i just typed.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

headed down to this herbal dessert place along balestier for Gui Ling Gao (if this is how u spell it) ... some black stuff that is so bitter that u have to eat it with honey to sweeten the whole odeal.... why...???? for the sake of getting a good complexion or something like that... isn't it some tortise or turtle shell that has been grinded to make this goo??... that's what i heard.... i rather ice cream any time :P

The Treat



Dont really know what the chinese text says...... probably some medicinal value of the black stuff



This big brass struture that houses some herbal drink i think

Always love elmo.... this clip is just so cool or rather the toy... if only we could always laugh this much in life....

Went for foot massage.... this uncle who was doing my feet commented that another stupid girl lost her handphone and had videos of her giving guys BJ.. apparently it was splashed over the chinese evening papers which had gossips as their main content... being effectively bilingual except for reading :) I was not aware of this latest vidoe escapade.... the friendly uncle then told me he could not find it in U2B.... U2B??? what the shit is it? psst.... my friend next to me whispered... its YOUTUBE... ha ha.

Was with a group of frens whose gastronomical juices just amazes me.. maybe because they are females and they have nothing else better to do then to explore the finer things in life, enjoy experiences at new joints and live the tai tai life.... they all can afford it :)

Tried the Yanqing's Shanghai Kitchen along BUkit Timah Road.. wow it's crowded for a weekday nite.. family crowd... food is good... my two grouses.. table a tad small and services could be faster... would I go back again.... YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!

It was an enjoyable evening :)

This dish is some fried fish slices... yummy



Some fatty pork dish.. like hong bar pow.. the buns are shaped like sea shells.. the dish is kept warm in the clay urn with hot water below...yummy



They called this the lion's head..errrr.. balls u mean.. ha ha. minced meat with salted egg york...yummy



Crabs in salted yoke... ok lah

It's about time for me to use the gym at my place. Since I am on leave and it doesnt makes sense to rush down town to PF gym before my heavy lunch appointment...... it has been a year or was it 2 or 3 years since I stepped into the gym. Many changes.. It's 10 in the morning and there are like 5 people in the gym.. dun they have a life :) just like me ha ha.

Did my 5km sprint rountine... wow... I actually burn much more calories on my home gym machine than at PF... mmmmmm definately my home gym machine is...... SPOILT :P

.... was invited to a Shanghainese restaurant.. surprisingly the food is good... delicious.. What's that... duck's tongue... i could not tell from the shape, looks like some frogs' legs... my first time putting something so weird into my mouth.. takes some gettng use to... my god-sis... she is asking for take aways... GROSSSSSSSSSS.

The dish in question:




The other dishes are delicious... Shanghainese cuisine quite salty... still good.

It has been 3 weeks since i last touch a stick... this week temptations were great...i miss my cigarette and coffee with a good book... but once i start, i know..... that's the end

SEcond week that i didnt put a stick up my mouth....there were temptations... seems like memories..

The Food, The Decor, the Feel

Sigh i keep waking up at around this time.... been for a week already... could it be the smokefree week since the two coincide???

Usually up surfing the web, do some reading and all..

Wonder how long I can continue with this LJ thing.. anyway it is a diary.. my memories fail me sometimes.. it allows me to look back into the past and remember certain events and people

Well have been successful in the smoking part... guess to verbalise it allows an affirmation of will to proceed in a certain direction.

Now for the body part...

Yes... it has been a week since I had a puff.... the cravings have diminished with each passing day.. though I have to admit that I had the urge to light up just now

Was at Wheelock Place... passed by this restaurant..is it serving fusion or what...there wasn't any name at the door or ... the hidden sign ..Could it be Cedele Depot since its next door...but what a weird way to position 2 doors...

Oh... jap food... there was a big poster along the wall when you walk towards the washroom....showing all sort of jap food.... ok... no name to entice or snare the curious customers like me..

When i sat down, the ambience was nice.... the menu looks good.... when i sank my teeth into the black pepper pork ribs.... i can only imagine Sean's face when he imitated Japan Hour.... OSHI....is that how u spell it?

I looked up...mmmm... the ceiling is unique too..time to put my phone to good use

I must come here again...and the restaurant name.... what a weird name.... SUN WITH MOON... which i actually heard from another fren who told me like a year ago that it was good..

I picked up smoking when I was 19 years old... it was all so cool to have a cig sticking out of your mouth at the pubs, disco, cafe etc ...it was the coming of age, the independence of youth, the Marlboro Man. My first brand was Virginia Slim.. ya what a faggot brand.. if i had started with CAMEL, my lungs probably would have already degenerated to the darkness of the night..

It was always the puff and the blow... without the real inhaling.. who could tell the difference.. it was meant to impress.. no harm done since there was no real inhaling.. until the fateful guard duty night.. it was a breakup or was it a quarrel???? (M or F???) memory lapses.. though i remembered hanging up the public phone and sitting within the darkness of the cookhouse .. I could hear the fan circulating above me... i lit a stick and deeply inhale that white poison into my lungs... i was in heaven...or was it hell... i was floating... my head was spinning.. that was smoking.... REAL SMOKING

I was a compulsive smoker in my university days.. everyone who wants a smoking companion will look for the PAI KIA..it was smoking time before lecture, during lecture, after lecture, before tutorial, during tutorial... u get my drift.. i will be mugging along the wooden benches outside the LT with my notes all strewn over the 'liquid paper filled' graffiti table, cups and cups of coffee from the vending machine.. and my trusty cigarettes.. my fav Marlboro Menthol Lights.. what a perfect setting

I first gave up smoking for 6 months... for religion and my GF.. religion because my body is a temple of God...my GF because she hated kissing an ashtray... it didnt last beyond 6 months.... i fell to temptations and my GF just got use to kissing an ass tray :)

All my life i just continued smoking... in my career and all... how I was caught by my family, my bosses, my Christian Frens.. I was avoding people that i didnt want to know of my smoking habits.. who am i kidding.. the smell and the nicotine stained lips were dead give aways. I remembered washing my car not realising my cig box was sticking out from my pocket... my mom came up to me and just said "your cig box is dropping out" ha ha.... MOM KNOWS THEIR SON

I gave up smoking for 2 years... for someone i loved (M)... my health came back....i grew fatter... and i didnt pant when i walked up a flight of steps... it lasted that long until I went Vietnam... not for war.. i could imagine myself out in the mine-filled rice fields of siagon, in my army fatigue and holding onto my rifle with a cig drapping out from the corner of my mouth before I charged into the enemy's territory... NAY not so dramatic... had some loose US dollars, bought a pack and a box of matchsticks from the hotel lounge and just started smoking again

It's already 6 days since i last had a smoke... who am i doing it for... myself and my God... never do it for anyone.... it doesnt last (M or F)..do it because u want to... i dont know how strong I will be.. I can only look up.. He who never judges me

This is a picture of the place that i frequently disappeared from the office every other hour for a smoke.... after which, i will get a bottle of cologne and drench myself in its aroma hoping to mask the cig smell from my colleagues... what a triing life and what a waste of a bottle of perfectly good cologne.... i am gonna miss this place....

Today is the day.... what will my boss reaction be :)... Have not been sleeping well... anxiety or the bout of flu that i have...got a month to rest, gym, tan, study and just catch up with friends, love ones and myself

How to resist good food especially Northern indian. Just had some with B...there goes our diet.. this restaurant is along the stretch behind Boat Quay... relatively cheap and good.. B is getting closer to his target while me... SIGH... will always be at the constant bitching of jealous frens :) days of past glory

chance upon this old email that my fren sent me... quite funny i thot the pix was

love the view from my office... guess i won't have the chance to see the road leading to the Sail or the Marina Integrated Resort completes... such memories i have of this office..such nice colleagues..such nice views...my next location will be different unless i am posted to main anchor building of my new company...it will be different...different

B & ZJ are my regular lunch buddies...zj mor often... standard operating procedures...wait @ RP...walk over to the basement at China Square Foorcourt.... scan the area like vultures for seats not occupied by the all and powerful packet of tissue paper... followed by Teh C at the coffee shop across the road... how i am gonna miss that..the constant bickering about what to eat that will produces the least calories.. i never fail to impress them when i come back with food that are never desirable for the lean tone bod that I aim.. for the longest time..the sipping of coffee as we watch the world goes by....the company is just great... B starts work liao with schedule that do not conform to normal lunch time... and me moving on with another job.... I am gonna miss all that...